My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
