I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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