i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
