The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
