Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
