Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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