she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
