a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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