Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
