I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
