I haven't been this sober since birth.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
