I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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