Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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