I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
