Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
