hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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