Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
