was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize