I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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