i think i have herpe
just one?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
