Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
