Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
did i just pee glitter
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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