Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So vagazzling was a success
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize