i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
