Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
