He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
