just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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