I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
