She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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