What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
