he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
