I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize