Pappa wants mamma naked
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
