He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
