K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
