my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize