I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
