he told me I talked like a deaf person
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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