there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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