Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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