all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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