I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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