I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
