We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
