ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
