I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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