he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
