I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
