cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize