Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
