I want to have your abortion
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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