I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
