I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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