No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
