i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize