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will power is for people who don't want to get laid
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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