You're my little dorito
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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