3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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