The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
