Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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