Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
