I CAN MOONWALK!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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