So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
