I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize