I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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