I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
too bad you live with your parents still
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
