This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
