Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize