so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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