I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
