I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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