haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
