I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
