An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
