Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
