Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
