I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize