I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
