I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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