she looked like the before picture.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
