Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Did I show you my penis last night?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
