I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
