I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize