So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
