i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
