I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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