I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize