He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
