i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
