Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
