She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
