I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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