Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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