It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
