I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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