Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize