Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
