ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize